Calming Down After Feeling Upset or Anxious

If you find it difficult to calm down after feeling upset or anxious, this article is for you.

Years ago, I was at work, and one of the managers assigned me a task. I immediately completed the task and continued with my usual routine. A short while later, the manager approached me and accused me of not completing it. This caught me off guard, especially since I had finished the task promptly. To make matters worse, he made this accusation in front of my coworkers, which felt humiliating.

I tried to explain, but he was insistent. I told him that I had proof of my completion. He seemed puzzled and asked me to show him. So, I led him to a location at the back of the company where I had hidden proof that I had finished the job. When I showed him, he looked both surprised and embarrassed. I responded in frustration, saying, “I knew you might try to say that I didn’t finish it.” I was upset, and my anger started to pour out. I even said some things that I regretted.

Though I had anticipated that the manager might accuse me, his actions still upset me deeply. I found myself ruminating over the incident, replaying the scene in my mind. It was hard for me to calm down after feeling so upset. This wasn’t an isolated event. Although it only happened occasionally, I knew that even allowing it to happen one time was too much to allow issues to rile me up for longer than necessary.

Over time, I learned how to regain control over my emotions. I began developing the ability to calm down quickly after feeling upset or anxious. Today, I’ve learned not to allow things to trigger me in the first place. I transformed myself from someone who struggled to calm down occasionally to someone who remains composed, even in challenging situations.

If you have difficulty calming down after feeling upset or anxious, there are several reasons you may be facing this challenge.

Common Triggers

• A strong need to be right: You may feel the urge to prove your point, regardless of the circumstances. This desire to be right can escalate the situation, especially if others disagree with you. You may find yourself clinging to your argument even if it costs you relationships or connections.
• A refusal to be outdone: When you feel your stance is being undermined, you may become more aggressive in trying to “outdo” others, driven by a desire to assert dominance. This behavior can fuel your anxiety and prevent you from stepping back and calming down.
• Embarrassment: If you feel that others are siding against you or that you're being judged, your instinct might be to defend yourself aggressively to save face. This need for validation can be overwhelming, leading to heightened anxiety.
• Being overly competitive: When you're always trying to win or prove something, even small disagreements can escalate into full-blown confrontations. You may pick fights or continue arguments long after the situation is resolved, all in the name of “winning.”
• The need to have the last word: If you have a compulsion to have the final say in any argument, it can be difficult to move past conflicts. You may replay conversations in your mind, rehashing them repeatedly just to get in the last word—whether or not it actually resolves anything.
• Feeling empowered by confrontation: If you feel a sense of control or victory during an argument, you may chase that feeling, not stopping until you believe you’ve dominated the conversation. This can make it harder for you to let go of the situation and calm your emotions.

These behaviors don’t resolve the issue; in fact, they often make it worse, adding more stress and anxiety. If you struggle to calm down after feeling upset, identifying these triggers is the first step in learning how to regain your emotional balance.

Traditional therapy is another avenue many people turn to for help. While therapy can be beneficial, it often takes time because it relies on you identifying the problem and guiding the sessions. While you might have an idea of what’s troubling you, the underlying causes of your challenges may take a long time to uncover. Without the guidance of a trained therapist who can dig deeper, it could take years to reach a breakthrough.

When I tell you this, I speak from experience. I have had therapy. My therapist would start the session by asking me what I want to talk about. They left it up to me. I had booked an hour session. I picked something to discuss and that discussion probably lasted ten minutes. I had fifty minutes left in my session. I really didn’t know what else to talk about. I didn’t realize that it worked like that. It was a struggle for me to get through the hour because I am not necessarily what you call a big talker. I could tell that the session was uncomfortable for my therapist as well.

Would you like to know what I did to turn my situation around, or know someone who could benefit from it? Here’s how I can help:

Mindset Mastery & Transformation (The Total Wellness Transformation)

1. Step-by-Step Coaching

• Mind, Body, and Soul Search: Understand the root cause of your emotional triggers and stress by diving deep into your inner self. This comprehensive analysis will help uncover patterns that prevent you from calming down when you’re upset or anxious.
• Mindset Transformation Blueprint: Receive a personalized roadmap that focuses on key areas to help you shift your mindset from reacting impulsively to staying calm and composed in difficult situations. This blueprint will teach you how to manage your emotions and regain control over your responses.
• New Perspective Guide: Learn how to sell yourself to yourself. This technique helps you gain a new perspective on your reactions and emotions, enabling you to embrace a more empowered mindset. By reframing your thoughts, you’ll unlock a fresh approach to emotional challenges, transforming your ability to stay calm in the face of adversity.
• The 5 Principles of Happiness: Learn the core principles that foster lasting happiness and emotional balance. These principles will guide you toward finding peace, even during stressful times, and help you stop overthinking or getting caught in negative emotional cycles.
• Effective Coping Strategies: Master tools and techniques that will keep you grounded and centered, helping you navigate life’s challenges with greater ease. Whether it’s deep breathing exercises or thought reframing, you’ll have practical methods to calm your mind and body when stress or anxiety creeps in.

2. Ongoing Support

Receive personalized feedback and continuous support, with direct communication available through email and text. You’ll never feel alone as you work through your emotional challenges. Whether you have questions or need encouragement, we’re here to support you every step of the way.

3. Comprehensive Help for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression

No matter the nature of your stress, anxiety, or depression, this coaching system is adaptable to address your specific needs. Whether you’re struggling to calm down after an argument or feeling overwhelmed in a stressful situation, we’ll help you break free from the cycle of emotional turmoil.

4. Boosted Confidence

Feel calm, confident, and in control of your emotions. Through this process, you’ll develop a sense of inner peace and empowerment. As you learn to manage stress and anxiety effectively, you’ll bring a renewed sense of excitement and joy back into your life, allowing you to approach challenges with resilience and optimism.